Making the Best of Time

At my school, there have been five snow days in a row this week. I knew it was likely from what I knew of the coming weather last week, and I wasn’t happy. I hate being stuck at home.

As I found myself getting grumpy and easily annoyed, just like the last stint when I wasn’t able to go to school. And I realized- should this really be the attitude I am taking?

It wasn’t, and I knew it.

So I decided to make the most of the week.

The first thing I realized as the week started was that I should be grateful for it. My body had been exhausted from my sleep patterns during the school week and it needed the extra sleep that not waking up at 5:30 would provide.

I felt myself feeling healthier than I have for a couple weeks after the first couple days it. I knew that, even though I didn’t like the circumstances, this week off was a gift.

Secondly, I thought and realized that just because I wasn’t going to school didn’t mean I was stuck where I was. I spent more than one day this past week at a good friend’s house and her bubbly and cheerful personality helped improved my clouded mood. Just being with her and her family reminded me of the awesome family I have in Christ, and all the things He has given to me through them.

I also went out shopping with Joanne and Becca. That was fun, and I had a good conversation that I had been needing to have. These two are just a light to me and being around them helps me to relax and talk about things I keep inside.

I also took the time to catch up on my Bible reading. I knew I was behind and was never sure when I would have the time to catch up with my frantic schedule. So I took my ample amounts of free time to study the Word and spend good time with my God.

Of course I did some other things; knitted a scarf, practiced my violin, that sort of stuff. I just wasn’t begrudging of the spare time.

The point is, for once in my stubborn life, I didn’t allow my circumstances to control my attitude. I instead looked for ways to either change my circumstances or to just not allow myself to be irritable an annoyed.

These snow days were a gift in disguise for me, and I think there are a lot of things in our lives that are blessings in disguise, but we let our preconceived notions be the basis for how we will react, so we never see the blessing.

Life can be surprising when you look back on it. You see the frustrating moments, the annoying moments, and even the downright hard moments, and if you look hard enough you may find that there is something in them to be grateful for.

So take your life one day at a time and make up your mind when you get out of the morning that it’s going to be a good day, no matter what happens to you. Because your circumstances don’t have to define your mood. You control that and only you can see the hidden gifts God has put in your life just for you. 

Just something I wrote a while ago

This is a poem I wrote a couple of months ago. Just thought I would share it with ya'll

It's entitled From the Heart of a Missionary

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Take a minute

Look around

See the breaking world

“Nothing I can do”

You might say

But you’re wrong

Reach out to someone

Give your time

Share a smile

“I’m too busy”

You might say

That’s just an excuse

Leave your comfort zone

Go somewhere else

Help the hurting people

“That is a scary thought”

You might say

Yes it is

Think about those people

What you can do for them

Change their lives

“I don’t know how”

You might say

You can learn

You aren’t the only one

Who occupies the world

There’s always someone worse off

“I haven’t thought about it like that”

You might say

Maybe it’s time to start

Look at the crying children, working for a meal

The women forced into the sex trade

They’ve never known anything else

“I want to help them”

You might say

You can do it, it’s possible

Show these broken people love

Bring them hope

Put your faith on display

“It’s time that I did something… anything”

You might say

Now you’re getting it

A Proverbs 31 Woman

Tis passage is one I personally aspire to live out if I ever marry, and even if I don’t, it still apples to a single woman working for the Lord. It is the kind of woman my mother was and it is who God calls us to be as women.

“An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” Proverbs 31:10

The series of verses starts out with this. A good wife is precious, and she is worth so much to her husband. She is more valuable than she can imagine.

The next verse states that her husband trusts in her.  He knows he doesn’t have to worry about her faithfulness or trustworthiness. He knows he can believe in her. It also says he will have “no lack of gain” because of this.

Being trustworthy is vital to having good relationships, whether you are single or married. Your friendships will thrive if you they know they can trust you. Your marriage will be much steadier if your husband knows that you are honest with him.

The next few verses speak of a woman that works hard. It says she does her husband good all of the days of her life. It says she rises while it is still night to provide for her household. It talks of her buying a field and seeding it to become a vineyard.

The Proverbs 31 women has an incredible work ethic, and she uses that to take care of her family. She gets up early to give them what they need and she is willing to do what she must to complete this duty.

“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” Proverbs 31:17

This woman is not a pushover. She is strong and uses that to the betterment of those she loves.

In verses 20-21 we see how caring of a woman she is. It speaks of her opening her hands to the poor and the needy. She will help those who need it and won’t just walk past. It also speaks of her not worrying for snow for her family, because she already has them clothed for it. She made sure she was prepared in advance for what she knew was coming.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:25-26

There is so much in these two verses. It hits on many of the points the passage has already made. This woman is wise, dignified, strong and kind. She is not afraid of the future because she knows who holds it and is prepared for it.  

All these verses lead up to what I believe to be the so-called thesis of the passage; verse 30.

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

This is the one most important verse in the passage. It states that, though her beauty and charm may disappear with time, if she fears God, she is still the woman she should be. This is the most important part of her character; the fear of God. This pretty much encompasses the rest of the things that she is supposed to be. If she fears the Lord, than the rest of the traits she should have will develop with time and patience.

This is the woman I would like to be someday. I’m not saying I am there, or even close, but I hope to be someday through the grace of God.

God bless.

Break Our Hearts, Lord

On the ride home from church this morning, a song came on the radio; Jesus, Friend of Sinners by Casting Crowns. ( Listen here ) It’s an excellent song and I’ve loved it since I first heard it. However, today one line stuck out to me that I’ve always blown over, probably because I’ve heard it a million times in a million songs. But it is so relevant.

Break our hearts for what breaks Yours.

Think on that for a minute. How often do we think on what breaks God’s heart? And more than that, how often do our own hearts break for those things?

There are so many things that should break our hearts. The persecution of our brothers and sisters in other countries, the hurting souls around us, the people who have no access to the Bible and will live and die with never hearing the Word. I could go on and on.

The bottom line is that our hearts should break for the people around us. How often do we even think about them? Do we think about that person sitting next to us at work or in class that doesn’t know Christ and who is dying inside?

We have very limited time on this earth, and we need to think about how we are using it. Most of us, myself included, use most of our time just to cruise through life and do things all for ourselves. And it doesn’t even cross our minds that we are surrounded by broken people that we could help. We need to pay attention to the world around us and actually see it, see beyond the surface.

If we actually take the time to see people, it can hurt. It can be overwhelming to look at the state of the world, and it truly can break your heart. But the problem is that, even after we have seen this, we do nothing. We hurt, we may cry and pray, but we don’t reach out.

How are people supposed to hear the Word and see the love of Christ if no one will tell them? Prayer is important and we should be praying constantly for someone to be reaching to these people, but we also need to be listening for God’s response and be ready to be obedient, because that someone could be us.

That is a frightening thought, to live our faith. But it is what we are called to do. Here in America, the Church has become so complacent. It’s become a world of compromise that tries to make itself look good to the culture around us.

That is not what we are called to be. It says multiple times that because we live for Christ we will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12; John 15:20). It also tells us in John 15:19 that we are no of this world. We are supposed to be different and stand out. It tells us that we will wrestle with the rulers and authorities of this world (Ephesians 6:12).

If we are really living for God and not ashamed of it, we can’t expect it to be easy. Look at how it is for some of our brothers and sisters in other countries; they are killed simply because they believe in Christ’s name. Yet here, we are afraid to be made fun of by our peers?

Maybe it is time to take a look at our lives and rethink how we are living. It’s time to be obedient to Christ as we are called to, and to be willing to be different.

You never know if or when God may call you to do something radical for Him. Maybe He’ll tell you to move to the inner city and do ministry there. Maybe He will ask you to become a missionary and go to completely unreached people groups and learn their languages and tell them the Gospel.

There potential circumstances may seem to be far too extreme for you. You may be saying, “God will send someone else. He’d never ask me. I don’t have that type of skill.” But we are told that God will use the weak to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27). It’s not about us. It’s about what He can do through us.

We never know what God is going to call us to do.

My point is that we need to see the world through God’s eyes. We need to see the needs of the people around us and then do something about it. We need to be obedient to what He is telling us.

An important side note- We won’t obey perfectly 100% of the time, and the more we obey, the more opposition we will face as times goes on. It won’t be easy, and we will fall. However, God calls us to obedience, not perfection. He knows we will fall, and He will be right there by our sides to pick us back up.

So take some time and look around to actually see the world. What you realize may be shocking, but God can use that to change your life, and then use you to change the lives of those people whose lives break your heart. 

Be Still

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Out of all the commands we are given, this one is probably the hardest for me. I don’t like being in one place for long and I love being on my feet. I get cabin fever really quickly and I hate staying at my house for long.

I found myself dealing with this today. I had the day off school, so I had made plans to go out with a friend to go shopping. I was excited, and then the plans fell through. I was a little frustrated, but it had been unavoidable. I then decided I would go for a nice long walk to chill out. And then the wind hit my face, and I knew I wouldn’t make it far today. So I was stuck here. And I was rather unhappy with that.

I tried to distract myself, and it certainly wasn’t working. Eventually I just broke down (I had had some other things bothering me too). That’s when this verse crossed my mind. All the things I was dealing with were in His hands, and I hadn’t seen that until I had sat down… until I had been still and listened.

He chose to speak to me quietly, as He had with Elijah. He wanted my full attention before He spoke, and then it was just to remind me that sometimes I just had to be still and remember that He was taking care of me.

This is a lesson I have been struggling a lot with lately. Knowing that I am graduating in less than four months and knowing what I plan on doing makes me very restless. I am ready to get started, but I can’t yet. I have to wait. And that’s difficult.

I know I need to learn to be still and listen. Especially since I am going into the mission field, I know that I need to learn to be patient and to wait on God, which is the biggest struggle I am facing right now.

Still, I know that He is holding my life in my hands. Not just now, but both my past and my future. He holds it all and knows exactly what I need and when I’ll need it.

And the same goes for any of you in Christ. Even if life seems frantic and you’re restless, take some time just to be still and know that He is God. He doesn’t always speak loudly and obviously, sometimes you have to be quiet.

He is always there for you, sometimes you just need to listen.

*UPDATE!*
After I was done posting this, and while I was praying about my future and the uncertainties therein, I got a phone call. I normally wouldn't answer it, but in this case, I felt like I should, so I did.
It was New Tribes Bible Institute, my college of choice. They just wanted to check up on my application and on me in general. It was only a simple phone call, but it reminded me why I had chosen that college and why I am on the path I have chosen.
God's timing is so perfect!

Mourning into Dancing

“And I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them and give them gladness for sorrow” –Jeremiah 31:13

There is no escaping life’s grief. No matter who you are, you will face difficulties. You can’t control that. It takes time (and a lot of it) to heal. It changes you, but not necessarily in a bad way. I know for me, my grief changed me for the better.

I’d like to tell you this part of my story.

I was pretty young, only 14 at the time. I had thought everything was going great. Then my mom started not feeling well on a pretty consistent basis and had trouble breathing. She went to the doctor’s and found out she had fluid on her lungs. They told her it was probably pneumonia, but they wanted to do some tests, just to be sure.

A week or two later, the doctor called and told her to come in. I remember when she came home clearly. She was trying not to cry. That’s when she told us she had cancer. It was a huge shock to my family. I don’t know about the rest of my family, but I was mad. I was furious with God for doing this to her.

Strangely enough, she wasn’t. She was the one who was suffering, and she wasn’t mad. I saw my mom’s faith lived out while she was suffering and as we started spending more time together, it reflected onto me and I noticed my faith changing through her example.

She had a lot of ups and downs throughout the next year. And one night she ended up in the hospital.

Two nights before I was supposed to leave for a missions trip in Guatemala.

I went to visit her in the hospital the night before, and told her I didn’t want to go. She insisted I did. I was scared to leave her, but I couldn’t disappoint her. So I went.

I used the week down there to really reflect on my relationship with God. I spent a lot of early mornings in the Word with Him, and one passage kept sticking out to me. The 23 psalm.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside still waters

                He restores my soul

He leads me in paths of righteousness

                For His name’s sake

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

                I will fear no evil

For You are with me

                Your rod and Your staff

                They comfort me

You prepare a table before me

                In the presence of my enemies

You anoint my head with oil

                My cups overflows

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me        

                All the days of my life

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

This passage became my lifeline. I realized that this was the attitude my mom has, no matter what. I prayed for the same peace and faith that He had given to her. And, with continued earnest prayer and seeking throughout that week, He did. If He hadn’t I would not be in the same place I am today.

One the way home, I got a phone call from my father. He told me that my mom had died. I was only an hour away from home when it happened. I hadn’t even got to see her and say good bye.

I cried harder that night then I have ever before and anytime since. But at the same time, I was at peace. I knew that she was with the God she trusted and that she was far better off than she had ever been here on earth.

That realization, of her living better after her death, became the cornerstone of the new path that my life took. I realized that she had had that promise, and so do I and many others. However I also realized that there are many people who don’t have the Word, let alone the promise for life with God. I decided then that I would take the Word to these unreached peoples as a missionary.

This change in heart would have never occurred without losing my mother. I miss her more than words can describe, but I know she is with our Lord now. And I also know that I would never be taking the steps to follow God that I am now without this.

I’m not saying that it gets easy right away, or that it gets easy at all. But it can be necessary to become the person God is leading you to be. We are molded through our pain and shaped through our grief, and though it may seem impossible to face, you can get through is and God may just manifest Himself through it in ways you never thought possible.

Righteous in Our Generation

“Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God.” –Genesis 6:9

I think it’s very easy just to blow past this verse in your reading, but I think maybe it would be a good idea to pause and actually think about it.

Think about Noah’s generation. It was described as “corrupt in God’s sight” and “filled with violence.” (Genesis 6:11). Some of the things that made it corrupt were things like sexual immorality, idol worship and many other sins. These sins grieved God to the point that He says He regretted having made men, and He sends a flood to destroy them.

Except Noah and His family.

Because Noah was righteous.

Imagine how hard that must have been. He wasn’t like everyone else. He wasn’t “mainstream” as the world today may call it. He trusted God, even to the point of building this enormous ark because God had told him too. I severely doubt that someone building a huge boat in their backyard went unnoticed or un-ridiculed. And yet he persevered and God rescued him.

I think we could all learn from Noah. I really do believe that we live in a generation every bit as corrupt as Noah’s. The world is filled with sexual immorality, violence and murder, abortion, theft, and lies. And though we don’t worship carven images, we definitely have our fair share of idol worshiping. And those idols are ourselves. We worship ourselves above anything else. As Christians, we are called to go against this.

Christ calls us in Matthew 5 to be the salt and light of the world. We are called to be different, to stand out. Matthew 5:14-6 says, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Brothers and sisters, we are called to be different. We are not called to hide behind the masks of the world. There shouldn’t be such a thing as a secret Christian.

I’m not saying it will be easy. We will be tested by our peers and likely ridiculed for who we are. And we will fail too. As humans, we will mess up. That’s when we go to Christ for forgiveness. And He will always accept us.

Expect ridicule and from some people, hatred. But, in the scope of eternity, do those things really matter? Christ tells us to store up for ourselves treasure in heaven, and not on earth. He says that whatever treasures we have on earth will be destroyed, but whatever we store up in heaven will be ours forever. Isn’t that something to live for?

So I ask you, believer, are you willing to live differently for Christ? Are you willing to be like Noah, righteous in our generation?

You're Worth so Much More

To understand the person I am now, you need to understand my past, especially the depression I dealt with for many years.

It started in middle school. I don’t know exactly what brought it on. I just know I felt alone and isolated from everyone. I thought no one cared or loved me. I didn't think I was important to anyone. I tried for a long time to just block out the pain, fake a smile and move on, but it didn't work. I just got worse and worse.

Eventually, I thought it was getting to be too much. I started cutting myself, just to alleviate the emotional pain. I would feel better for a while, and then fall back. It became a cycle; cut, feel better for a little while, crash harder than before and cut again. It never seemed to end. It had literally become a form of addiction.

At one point, I just wanted to quit. I slit my wrists. That’s when I realized I had let things go too far. In no circumstances was suicide okay. That’s when I went to my mother about it.

She cried when she found out the truth. I had been covering it by lying about where the cuts were coming from. It was always; the cat did it, or I broke a glass and cut myself cleaning it up or that I just didn’t know. She had believed me, even though at times she had been concerned by it.

I also went to my small group and confessed it there. My pastor’s wife was in the group and she, along with the rest of the girls prayed for me, and I realized how far I had drifted from them, and from God. I knew that I did have reason to live, and that there were people who loved me. I just hadn’t been able to see it because I have been the one who walked away.

I also realized that God had been there with me through it all. I had pushed Him away, stopped praying and reading. I had rejected Him. But He never rejected me. He saved my life when I tried to end it, and gave me the courage to step up and talk about what was going on.

Since them, I still struggle with the depression and the cutting, but thanks to God, I haven’t cut in close to two years now. He freed me from a world that, by all rights, should have taken my life. I found my worth in Him then, and knew that no one could take that away from me. 

This piece of my past had formed a lot of who I am now. It strengthened me, and showed me the love of God and the people around me. If it wasn’t for my faith, I doubt I would be here to say all this.

If anyone is struggling with similar problems, I want to say, you are worth so much more. If you are a believer in Christ, that's where your worth comes from. Not in people or money; it's in Christ. If you aren't a believer, He still loves you and is seeking you. He wants you, and if you come to know Him, He is the only one you need.
Life can always get better, even if you don't think it will. I'm living proof of that, thanks to God. Trust that He knows that He has in store for you, and that it is what is best.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11

Don't Blink

I say don't blink, though I don't mean that literally. I mean figuratively. Don't let life pass you by.
I mean it. Don't let those little moments pass.
I know I should probably start my blog out by talking about myself, and I will do that in a bit, but I wanted to explain the title first. I really want to stress the importance of the little things in life that ultimately become the big things; the best things.
Life is short, especially if you look at it from the timeline of eternity. It is less then a blink in the span of all of history, so make it count.

Ok, explanation over. (For the moment.)

So, A little about me. I'm a girl with a heart for God. If there is one thing I want people to know about me, it is that. I have a bit of a complicated past, and it's too much to write about in a single post, so I may take some time to explain individual events later on.
Suffice to say, though my life hasn't always been perfect, it ultimately has done on thing; it has brought my closer to my Savior: Jesus Christ. I have truly seen the truth of Romans 8:28 throughout the struggles I've faced.
This verse states; "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."
It can be hard to see during the time, but He really does I have seen the evidence of this in my own life, and in the lives of many others. I can't wait to share some of my own life experiences and show the work God has done throughout.
As for my future, well at the moment it's a little cloudy. I know that I am going to college next year to become a missionary, but as for where I'll be going on the field, well, I'm praying about that. I hope to become a translator and translate the Word into languages that it has formerly never been translated into.

So that's a little bit about me. I'll explain more as time goes on, but for now I want to leave with this;
Take some time today if you haven't and look around. See God's creation and everything He has given you, and just thank Him for the little things.
And don't blink your life away.