God's Timing is Perfect

So last Wednesday, I had a pretty incredible day all around, but I’m only going to focus on one part of it right now.

I have been struggling with the idea of suffering in the world and it had been more difficult in this last week. As a couple of the interns and I sat on the roof on Wednesday, we walked about the reasons for suffering, but we never really came up with anything that was comforting for us.

I hadn’t been feeling well, so when the others left to go play soccer, I stayed up on the roof to rest. I picked up one of the books that my youth pastor had given me; Timothy Keller’s The Reason for God. This book argues many of the common arguments for why the God of the bible cannot exist and refutes them. (Read it sometime. It’s good).

The particular chapter I was on was talking about the argument of how the God of the bible could not exist in a world with so much suffering. Needless to say, considering my mood that morning, I was curious. The particular chapter had multiple convincing arguments, but there was one in particular that I hadn’t ever heard before; that our suffering now will increase our joy in the future. Keller used the example of how when we lose something (and we think it’s gone forever) that thing will be loved and much more appreciated if it’s found again. We only truly appreciate something when it has been lost and then found again.

I thought it was really interesting and I had never heard that take on it before. I took the book back to my room and set it on my top bunk. As I turned around, I saw something glinting under my bed. It was a ring and I bent down to pick it up, thinking that it might have been the ring that one of my friends had mentioned that they lost. But it wasn’t. It was my ring. My class ring.

I had lost this ring in Florida, on a school trip a few months ago. I had been sure I was never going to see it again. There was literally no way that this ring could have gotten from Florida to Guatemala short of the power of God. The clothes I brought here, along with the suitcase, none of them were anything I had had with me in Florida.

It just cemented what I had just read in Keller’s book. I had been sure I was never going to see this ring again, and when I found it, I almost cried. The ring reminded me of how God can use suffering ultimately for His good, and also how His timing it perfect.

Your Worst and God's Best

“You’re worthless… you aren’t as good as the rest of them… they don’t really want you around; they’re just trying to be nice… You will never measure up… you’ll always be second best... no one wants you around… you aren’t doing any good here.”

Those were the words I heard inside of my head today as I laid on the floor in tears today. It wasn’t my voice, and I knew it. It was the voice that I thought I had banished from my head close to three years ago; the same one that lead me into depression, pushed me to cut myself and almost caused me to end my own life.

I haven’t heard that voice in so many years, and I’ll admit, when it emerged, I was scared. I had thought it was gone from me forever until now. And after I recovered from the shock and fear, I thought; why now? Why when I’m here doing what I’m supposed to be doing and serving the Lord?

Then I realized that that’s exactly why it is happening; because I’m devoting myself to serving God. I am being a force for Him and to expect no opposition would be foolish. When you are devoting yourself to fighting for God, the enemy will not make it easy for you. I was reminded of that today. My most vulnerable point was struck and it hurt. As a matter of fact, on an emotional level it was excruciating.

However, the difficulty of spiritual warfare and the reminder of my past were not the only things that hit me today.

Just listen up for a second. This is where things get good.

I was reminded of God’s faithfulness to those who trust in Him and who cry out to Him.

As I lay on the ground, I didn’t even know what to say, but I knew I had to talk to Him. He was the only one who could keep me from the place I reached three years ago. There was nothing eloquent, nothing formal that I could say. It was simply “God, save me from this. Please God…”

At first nothing seemed to happen. I eventually found the strength to stop the tears and to walk out, but the voice still lingered. I tried to ignore it and decided I would go watch the soccer game that the kids were playing. I started walking toward the field and was stopped by one of the missionaries on campus. She asked me what was going on, and I told her, despite the voice fighting me. I told her that I felt worthless, that I felt life I couldn’t measure up to the other interns on campus and that I wasn’t anything like them.

That’s when she said something that the little voice didn’t know how to respond to. She said, “Rachel, you aren’t here to be David or Hannah, or anyone else. You are here to be Rachel. No one else is like you and God is using your individual personality to help in a way that no one else can.” She then reminded me of how I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. And the little voice that had been nagging me suddenly went silent.

God used one of the other missionaries to reach me. He knew exactly what I needed to hear and used one of His people to show me that.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is just to put your trust in God, especially when you are being spiritually attacked. He is a good God, and as it says in Psalm 147, He is healing and understanding.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.” Psalm 147:3-5

Appreciation

I just came down from the mountains today as I am writing this (Which is a couple of days before it can be posted, lack of internet here) and it was such a spectacular view. Everything was beautiful and it just didn’t look real. It looked like it had to be a painting or picture. It was too perfect.

We were all just enjoying looking at it when one of my fellow interns made the comment; “Could you imagine if you couldn’t appreciate this? Like if you grew up here?” We all nodded and agreed with her, but it got me thinking. Isn’t that what we do a lot?

How often do we not appreciate what is in front of us? I know that so often I don’t. I spend so much time outside back at home, and the beauty around my just passes me by. If I take the time to look, I realize the woods I live next to is beautiful. The sky full of clouds, or the night time sky, it’s all incredible. But I am so used to it and never notice.

We are called to be content with the simple things of life. In 1^st Timothy 6:6-8, Paul says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain for we brought nothing into the world and we cannot take anything out of it. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.” We are called to be content with having only the necessities, but we still have so much more than that. Even if we merely have food, water and shelter, we also have the beauty of creation.

God didn’t have to give us the beauty around us, yet we still ignore it. We get so used to it that it just flutters around in the back of our minds, ignored. I guarantee, though, that if it suddenly just disappeared we would notice.

We always covet what others have and want so much more than we need, even though God has given us such things that we completely ignore. The creation around us is more glorious than we can imagine, if we only took the time to appreciate it.

Just go sometime. Go and look closely at the thing around you, the things you are so accustomed to.  It just might surprise you, if you look at it with fresh eyes, how beautiful it is, or how much things have changed. But you have to really look.

Appreciate what God has given you and be content with what you have, because you have even more than you ever realized.

Lessons From 30,000 Feet in the Air

If life is ever boring or you can’t figure something out or just in general if you want things to be different, I’ve always been told to look at things from a different perspective, and that’s exactly what happened to me today. I definitely got a new perspective on things, and I dare say that it was a higher perspective. 30,000 feet higher to be more specific.

(I’m on my way to Guatemala and was on a plane if you are curious). Anyways back to what I was saying.

On my flight today, I learned several things. I’m trying to figure out even where to start, so I guess I’ll just do them in the order I learned them.

First, I learned to trust more when God messes up my plans. My original flight got cancelled and I got all frustrated, but then we were able to schedule a flight to where my connection flight was scheduled to be and it ended up working that I would end up at the airport that I’m spending the night at around the same time that I would have gotten there with my other schedule. The nice part? I got to skip a connection flight, so it’s one less chance for my luggage to get lost. The better part? I ended up sitting next to a really nice woman that I chatted with on and off the whole flight. She was a Christian and when I told her about my internship, she was encouraging and I needed that. I would have never met her or gotten that encouragement with my original flight plans.

Second, I learned just how miniscule as people we are. As we flew up and I looked at the ground, the city looked like a kid’s play set. I could see roads and rivers, some houses and cars, but you know what I couldn’t see? I couldn’t see people. I knew they were there, hustling about their business, but I couldn’t see them. That’s what makes God’s love for us even more amazing- that He loves a species so tiny that they can’t even be see unless you are pretty close to the ground. He did everything for us, even though we are so tiny.

Third, I learned the value of God’s peace. The flight I was on was rather turbulent, so there was a lot of bouncing. I started to get a little motion sick, and I’ll admit, as I gazed out the window, I was feeling nervous. I didn’t like the bouncing and it made me uneasy. (I wasn’t the only one, either. A lot of people were shifting around and were clearly uncomfortable.) At one point I closed my eyes and put in my headphones, trying to block out everything. And as I did that, Hillsong’s song Still came onto my music, and it caught my attention. Here are the lyrics that interested me- When the oceans rise and thunders roar/I will soar with You above the storm/Father you are King over the flood/I will be still, and know You are God. I found it interesting, because at that point in time we were flying above some pretty black clouds. We were flying over a storm quite literally. And I realized that God was right there with us. I was soaring with Him over the storm in a very real fashion. That realization, as I began to talk to Him in a way I haven’t in a long time, brought me comfort. I understood what Paul was talking about when he wrote about how “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). God comforted me by revealing His presence to me and then by giving me His peace in a way I have never quite experienced it.

Lastly, God showed me His majesty and power (or a tiny piece of it anyway), and also how He connects things together in an amazing way. Before I got on my first flight, while I was waiting at that airport, I was reading in Job, specifically after God starts talking (Job 38-41).I made a single note in my Bible: The majesty and power of God… Woah. God is talking to Job about what He had done and it was awesome to me. And then as we were landing today, we had to descend from one of those storm clouds I was talking about. I watched the giant clouds roll past me and saw some lightning and God’s might hit me in a way it had never before. Those storm clouds rolled over us and I was able to watch them pass my window, close enough that if there had not been a window between us, I could have easily reached out and touched them. The beautiful and terrible storm revealed a piece of God that I don’t often think about. I know that He Is a powerful God, but I tend to like to focus on the loving part of God’s character. But He is so much more than that, and to be reminded of that was eye opening.

So, you could say I had an enlightening flight. Sometimes a perspective change is all that is needed, but with me, I guess it had to be a 30,000 foot change. 

A Short Deviation From My Normal Posts

It’s rare for me to deviate from my normal blogging content (In fact, I think this is the first time). However, I have something I wanted to share that is close to my heart.

I am a captain of a Relay for Life team. Relay is an event designed to raise money for the cancer research of all types. I chose to take on this responsibility after my mother died of cancer.

My mother and I had been very close, especially after she got sick. She decided to take on a team herself and captain it, and took me alongside to assist. Before every meeting we would go out to dinner, laugh and just spend time together.

(I actually wrote about the time after she got sick in a story format. If you go here you can read it. There are links to the next chapter at the bottom of every page)

But anyways, Relay is coming up this weekend. My team is trying to raise money, and I would appreciate any donation if you are willing to give it. You can donate here
I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading. 

The Goodness in Good Friday

As most people know, today we celebrate Good Friday.

 But where is the good in this day? Today was the day that our Great Savior was mocked and rejected. Today is the day that he was beaten and whipped. Today is the day that he was put on a cross and left to die. To the world today sounds like a dark day. It’s the day the darkness of humanity revealed itself and crucified the One who came to save it.

So where is the good in that?

Where is the good in the people, who merely a week beforehand were chanting “Hosanna” (Lord save now) as Christ rode into Jerusalem, turning one him and chanting “Crucify Him!” as Pontius Pilate asked what they should have him do? Where is the good in those people asking to have Barabbas, a dangerous criminal, released instead of Jesus? Where is the good in the people who took and divided his garments?

Where is the good in this day?

I’ll tell you where the good is.

The good comes in Jesus’ words “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). The good comes in Christ’s Words as He prayed to His Father, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). The good comes when Jesus uses His last breath on the cross to speak to His Father.

This is truly Good Friday.

The good comes in three days later, when Christ is raised and appears to His followers.

Jesus knew what He was doing when He came to this earth. He knew He was going to die and knew that He would be taking the sins of all mankind onto His shoulders till the point where God the Father could no longer look at His own Son. The good in Good Friday comes when Jesus died to forgive our sins.

Today might be the day that Christ died, but today is so much more than a death. Today is the precursor to resurrection Sunday; to the day that saved the world.

Good Friday was a dark day in the aspects of what happened to Christ and the suffering He endured, but He still went willing because He loved us.

So I hope as you all go through your day today that you take the time to think. It really is Good Friday. 

The Only One Who Won't Fail

Pain… anger… betrayal… Those are the moments I find myself at my lowest.

Those are also the moments God uses to remind me of Him.

It’s in the storms of my life that I have found God. The moments where I am broken and crying out to Him, asking for release, asking for help, or even blaming Him are the moments He carries me. He meets me where I am at. He knows how I feel and can take those problems.

I realize how lucky I am to have a perfect God as my friend and Father. I can turn to Him at any point. Even when I am hurt by those I considered to be my closest friends, He is always there, waiting for me to fall into His arms where I belong.

People will always fail you. No one is perfect, every person you let yourself open up to will hurt you. You will hurt others. It’s in the nature of being human. Relationships fail, friendships end, families break up. It is unfortunately the reality of this world. As soon as sin entered the world, the perfect relationships we were made to have were broken. We are still relational beings, and we still strive to have that perfection, but it doesn’t happen. Not with other humans.

The only One who can love us perfectly, who can fulfill our need for this kind of relationship is God. He is the only One who will be behind you every time you turn around. He is the only One who will never betray or hurt you.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have relationships with other people. We were made to. But we shouldn’t put our all into other people. That is only a way to get hurt. If you have a friendship or relationship where you think you’ll never get hurt, you’re wrong. You have to be aware that other people are as imperfect as you are.

We have to be forgiving as well. Knowing that others are the same as you, you know you’ll get hurt. But you have to be compassionate. Look at Stephen in Acts 7. As he was being stoned by those around him, he cries out to God. And he doesn’t ask to be saved or for God to take revenge on those killing him. He says, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” I want to be like this. I hold grudges when someone hurts me deeply. I want to see them hurt like I was. This is so wrong on my part. Christ died for me out of love, and I am supposed to show that love to others. How am I supposed to be like Him when I have this in my heart?

The only way to make a change in this aspect is to cling to Christ. To learn from Him. He is the only perfect person and I need to see my relationships with others through His eyes.

I get so tired of being hurt by others. So many time I just want to give up on others; to just isolate myself so I can’t be hurt once again and so I can’t hurt anyone else either. But I can’t do that and show Christ to the world. I just cannot do both.

There are things that are so much more important than my personal pain. Yes, I know I’ll get hurt. But I also know that I have God to turn to when I am.

No person can hurt me any more than God can heal me, and I have to trust in that. I have to know that when I am feeling alone, betrayed and abandoned that God is right there, taking care of me in ways I never even imagined.

So it doesn’t matter what people do to me. I will always have Him to fall back on. And I will always trust in that.